The Low-down on my lockdown

I know recently I've not been the most active on here, with lockdown and working from home I just seem to have way too much screen time and too many migraines and headaches so I took a step back from my little blog here, but it doesn't mean I love it any less. Sometimes we need to take a step back for our health, wellbeing and generally everyone needs a break at times.

So lets catch up. 

If you follow me on Instagram you'll still be seeing my regular photos pop up (if the algorithm allows that of course) and I'm most active on there these days because it doesn't take so much screen time and I really love creating photographic content - before I even thought about blogging, I wanted to be a photographer. I studied photography at A Level and it was a real passion of mine, and then I had to join the real working world and it kind of got left behind at the beginning, then Fibromyalgia hit me like a truck - I didn't see it coming.

I always intended to go back to photography, or some kind of creative job, I'm not the type who was meant to sit behind a desk in a corporate world but when I became chronically ill I had to realise some of my limitations - and a job where I'd be on my feet all day every day, handling heavy camera equipment just wasn't going to be a right fit for me.

But recently I've purchased a Canon 40D from a friend, and unless you know me well - you won't understand quite how excited I was to receive it. Its like having part of me back that I thought I lost forever - its heavy and it'll probably kill my hands but I'll be able to get far better product shots for my little space on the internet, along with hopefully being able to shoot some beautiful holiday shots, and I hope to photograph other bloggers in the future too.
I've come to realise that photography may not be a viable full time job for me but working with other bloggers to help them create content, improving my own and hopefully working on some small time photography projects can give me a little bit of joy that I've missed to sorely.
So watch this space, and if any followers (within reason) want some portrait shots, or bloggers want little mini shoots - hit me up once I'm used to the equipment again - I don't think I was half bad at it all in my day.

Disney nerd alert on this fireplace.

Now were caught up on a little bit of re-achieving my dreams, what else has been going on?

During the lockdown I have been working from home, as I said above - I went into lockdown before the country did as I have health conditions which this virus is likely to impact upon so I have spent a great deal of time home alone. I've watched a ton of Netflix, and Disney+ came around exactly when I needed it (I'm a massive Disney nerd - its what dreams are made of), catching up on the classic shows I enjoyed through childhood (yep, Lizzie McGuire, and what about that reboot?), a load of cheesy movies (High School Musical, who says we have to let it go...) and watching things I've not actually seen before - I'm loving the documentaries about how they made things, Disney Weddings (I know, I know), and all the old props too. This platform is honestly a dream to me - I've even cancelled my Now TV movies package for a while in favour of Disney+ and I'm a massive movies fan. Another subject I studied way back in my college days was Film and I can't help but notice the stupid differences and things that shouldn't be there in films to this day. The curse of the film student.

I've also been working on my self worth recently, and I feel much more confident in myself, my abilities and what I can achieve when I put my mind to it. A big part of all of that is my self love journey, there is always going to be parts of myself that I'm not as keen on and that's ok but I look in the mirror now and I don't hate what I see.
My body has gotten me through a lot, and as a disabled woman I'm thankful it still gets me through - I'm thankful for its strength and resilience, even when it hurts like hell to move and when I have grazed (and very scarred) knees from falling. I'm still here, I'm very much real and alive and I'm just very thankful for it all. I put out into the world both the positives and the negatives, the good days and the bad - over on Instagram you will see my stories when I "look sick" and when I don't - invisible disabilities tend to do that but awareness and showing reality has become something that matters to me even more.
Our social media's are often highlight reels but come to me for the good and the bad, come with questions, and for support - over there (and here) I'm here for my disabled babes, people who want to understand, to be an ally to marginalised communities, its a space for all (apart from creepy men, you pervs).

I changed my hair a couple of times, but that's nothing new is it? If you've been here a while you've seen me with all kinds of colours and styles - but here's the latest!

Think I'm liking my ginger hair, this gorgeous 'bralette' is from Yours and I'll be wearing it like a top!

I've spent time making the space I live in more me, and a nicer, more vibrant place. I've invested in some lovely mustard cushions, pink and gold ones too and some little accessories to make the place tidier and just more homely.  This has been my home for over a year, and I got all new furniture for my living room when I moved in but its taken time to personalise and I've had more headspace to think about how I'd like it all to look recently.  I'm working on my bedroom next - there's not too much I can do but decluttering it is helping (I tend to keep things, even when I don't need them). I've already started to sort through my clothes, for charity piles and things that I can sell on that I've never worn or are in great condition but I just wont wear again.

All the colour I've added to the sofa, adding mustard and pinks to the grey has definitely brightened the room up!
I love my little friends at the back of the sofa.

Harry Potter sneaks in everywhere in this place.
Love this cosy corner and the little details.

I've made more time for the relationships in my life - I try and talk to my family more and check in even when I don't have that much to say - just hearing their voices can be really nice. I check in with friends, and I've learnt a lot about my relationships too - everyone's gone through this time in their own way but I've definitely spent a lot of time thinking, sometimes to my own detriment. But I feel in a more positive place with the relationships I do have in my life now and I've had time for people I wouldn't always have.

Lastly, although this time has been a little isolating - working from home is a luxury I know not everyone has been afforded. So I am really grateful I've had it to hang on to, get up for and keep me going. I've also savoured the little annual leave days here and there too. In this time I've not had a sick day from work and I don't remember the last time that hadn't happened for months on end. Working from home has had a positive effect on my Fibromyalgia and hypermobility, I've still had pain and some days its been awful, but being able to go at my own pace, not having to commute and resting on my breaks when I need to has made the world of difference. I'm not sure what will happen with my job as the world returns to normal but in some ways I am enjoying having less pressure on my disability just to make ends meet. Plus having tons of books to read in the time I would usually be commuting, and too exhausted to read is pretty good too - I ordered myself a bookshelf in lockdown (and finally got my books out of boxes they've been in for a year).

So that's me and the last few months, I know its not the kind of post you're always used to seeing here but I just wanted to write to you all in my own little way. I'm not gone, and I am writing posts but I'd love to hear from readers on what YOU want to see as this space is about all kinds of things.

If you got this far, thanks for reading.
Lots of love and stay safe my loves.

Nici xx

So many books, and a few that I'm yet to read on here (The Doctor is keeping them all safe and Harry, Ron and Hermione have got all the favourites covered higher up too)

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